Tuesday 10 October 2017

Me at 18

Today, I turn 18.
I am tired, I am frustrated, but I am excited. I am excited about the future but also weighed down by it. With the world at the moment, who knows if it will even have a future, or if one of my potential futures will be with white wings over my head and a new, patrionymic name to my head. I am active. I am inspired by others and want to make change. I know now that that is what I want my life to be: change.

In the past few months, I have been planning for university. I have known I have wanted to study English Literature and Politics for a while longer and now have the 5 universities I’m applying to: Reading, Newcastle, York, Glasgow, and Swansea. Although, having visited the first three (so far) on open days, I now know that I am desperate to go to Newcastle. I finally have something more of a motivator to complete my A Levels, (which, by the way, will crush the spirit of even the most enthusiastic and optimistic).

Speaking of A Levels, I have just started my 5th week of my second year at college – A2. I dropped Classics once I’d finished it at AS Level, something I’m kind of glad at now having seen my friends talk about it to me (it seems so complicated!). So now I’m left with my success in English Language & Literature, History and Government & Politics deciding if I get into my dream uni or not. I have to say that the gap between AS and A2 is a lot greater than the gap between GCSE and AS – one that no one tells you about, they only tell you about how difficult AS year is in comparison to GCSE. I wish I could tell myself not to worry about AS year and that A2 is the real killer of a year.

My favourite book is still Pride and Prejudice, but I have some new ones to add to my favourites list: In Cold Blood by Truman Capote and Citizen by Claudia Rankine.

Tonight, I'm going to become a member of the Green Party. I keep forgetting to actually sign up (I've been meaning to do it for a while) but by saying I'm going to sign up today, I will. I'm committing myself to the Internet! (Also, Caroline Lucas, I love you.)

I still live in the same square bedroom with the same long window. My view outside hasn’t changed, except now it is nearing autumn the light has become a burnt yellow streams in with a slight slant as the days diminish. But the wall of me has now grown. I have letters from my MP pinned to my notice board and signs from demonstrations blu-tacked around the book posters and photos of nostalgia.

My room seems to have grown. Not in size, but in the pages and pages of paper that cover my desk, chest of drawers, window ledge and seemingly seep from under my bed.

I still love my skirts. However, my style has now shifted towards midi-skirts. I have 2 and can’t wait to get more – my newest one even has pockets!!

I suppose the biggest change that I’m taking forward into my adult life is the fact that I am now vegetarian (properly, as of sometime in September). I first tried it during my trip to Berlin with my college. Since then, I’ve taken it slow and hope to become fully vegan at some point in the future. Or at least, almost fully vegan (I don’t know if I can ever give up Nutella). I feel so comfortable and happy with this change. I’ve changed my way of thinking – for more than one reason – and I do feel much better physically, although that may just be a placebo. I love cooking. I do so often for my family. I can’t wait to cook for myself when I move out and have full control of my diet.

I still live with my parents, my brother and my cat and I still do Pilates with my mum. I don’t go to parkrun anymore. I valued my sleep more and then about a month ago I started working at my local library (which I love) but that means that I can’t run at 9am and stop in time to start working for 9am.

ABBA are still my favourite. Now, I am majorly obsessed with Anastasia the Musical and wish that I could see the original cast perform it, but I know that’s very unlikely to happen. Singing the soundtrack constantly counts as History revision, right? RIGHT?

TV. Damn, I do watch a lot of TV. I think I’m becoming more of a series kind of person now. First of all, Game of Thrones. I’m seriously obsessed. I love it so much – partly because it’s so political, and because of the really complex characters (even more so in the books, which I’m working my way through).

There’s probably a lot more to say, but I can’t think of what that is right now.

Here’s to adulthood! Now, I’m off to have a curry and a drink.

This is me. At 18.

If you liked this post you might like: Me at 17

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