Wednesday 21 October 2015

Thoughts on Thoughts

I’ve been very busy lately. So busy that I’ve hardly had time to breathe. Or at least, that’s what it feels like. My life seems to be flashing by - a blur of homework, exams and schoolwork. My workload seems to be dominating my time; taking over my life so that I have time for little else.

There always seems to be another essay to write, another fact to look up. Everything is fighting for priority - piling up into a mountain of stress and panic; I am just waiting for the day that it all comes cascading down in a whirlwind of lined paper, deadlines and pens that have had all their ink used up.

My head is cluttered with thoughts half-finished. My room with the leftovers of an afternoon of solid work - revision tools and analysed texts. I can almost feel the weight of the uncompleted work pressing down on me from above. Yet be brought into existence and creeping up from behind.

It’s like I am stuck on a roller coaster and can’t get off. The time for me to relax and do something for my pure enjoyment seems to have gone completely. Even though I know it hasn’t.

When I am not doing schoolwork I am writing, watching a film or Tv show, or reading a book. However now, I cannot help but feel a bit guilty while I am doing so. Is that wrong? That I feel bad about taking some time out for myself?

I enjoy school. I really do. I love seeing my friends, taking in new information and learning. But when I can do nothing else because of the increased workload I have been set, I begin to become weary. Weary through both physical and emotional tiredness.

My brain is heavy with thoughts passing by, some partly formed, others ready to spread their wings and fly, fully fledged and raring to go. I feel like I need a pensieve. Something to clear my mind; to declutter it - make it clearer and more ordered. Brush out all unnecessary thoughts with a feather duster.

All my thoughts are so tightly packed together, crammed in one by one, that I can’t get each one down on paper before another has taken centre stage. I can’t tell the half thoughts and the finished thoughts apart anymore. They just squish into one big jumble of ideas and opinions.

I finally know what Professor Dumbledore was on about.

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