I live my life in Word documents

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Wednesday, 10 February 2016

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I live my life in Word documents. Sentences destroyed as quickly as they are formed, displayed on a blinding screen. Times New Roman thoughts tapped out, creating an image in my brain that I am left undecided about. Stray paragraphs abandoned in folders in disarray, collecting dust and luring in spiders.

Half-finished novels. Short stories. Poems. Rants. One line thoughts. 2 paragraphs. Quotes. Lists. Life.

Everything jumbled up together, vulnerable and uneasy - with the potential to be wiped away from their hard drive home. Files of backed up material, nearly lost in the great abyss of pixels.


Should I live my life on paper? Or would it still get lost? Under beds and bookshelves; behind the back of cupboards. Would my thoughts be just as likely lost then?






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West Side Story 2016

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Monday, 8 February 2016

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Last week was the week of my school’s production of West Side Story. The Puerto Rican Sharks and New Yorker Jets barged into the school hall ready to fight it out and ready to burst into song at any given moment. The Shark girls has colourful dresses and red lipstick and the Jets were clad in in blue jeans.

Credit to Sam Kemp

When I found out that we were going to be doing West Side Story last summer, I was quite skeptical about how it would turn out. It’s notoriously difficult in practically every aspect: singing, dancing, acting, the score itself, which I would be playing. And that’s probably what made me shrink away from it in the beginning. 

As we began rehearsals it became pretty clear to me that I hated the music. I simply couldn’t play it - or, at least, that’s what I told myself. The score was as difficult as I thought it would be. We worked and rehearsed since September in order to get it up to standard for February, because there can be no good show if the pit band is no good.

Those first few months of rehearsals seemed endless and I felt like I was making no progress. But in the few weeks leading up to the show, something felt different. I could hear and feel myself improving. I began to enjoy the music. I began to like it.

The weekend before the show I was in school from 9:30am - 5pm on both Saturday and Sunday. On the first day the band practised in the pit for the first time. Then, in the afternoon, the leads joined us (or everyone who takes part in one of the songs anyway). Then on the Sunday all of the cast came in to rehearse with us and we did a run through of the first half of the show.

That weekend honestly left me knackered. I had concentrated and stayed in the same seat for hours on end. But I could hear that what I was playing had improved, and that made me really happy.

On the Monday we had a full day of rehearsals again. This time we were off timetable and finished at 3pm to go with the usual school times. 

On the Tuesday we had a dress rehearsal that was performed to our local primary schools. It was so good to play the full show and know that someone was actually watching it. It was also the first time I had ‘seen’ the show. 

Credit to Sam Kemp

Then we had 4 ticketed shows that were open to the public. 4 amazing shows that got better and better each time. Everyone who contributed to the show did outstandingly. The actors were believable and brilliant, the dancers looked beautiful and the singers were just fantastic. I don’t think the pit band was too bad either.
Credit to Sam Kemp

From hating a show (or rather, its music) to loving it; from insecurities about my playing to confidence in the fact that we actually sounded quite good. From sectional rehearsals with just a few players, to performing as a company in front of a full audience. From first getting my part of the score to crying on closing night before the show had even finished. 

West Side Story has been a great experience. It challenged everyone to achieve something that we didn’t think we could, or I didn’t, at least. I played something for 5 shows that really scared and felt daunting to me just a few months ago. I spent more time with people that I probably wouldn’t have spent much time with otherwise. I improved my own playing, listen to others improve theirs and had the best time!
Credit to Sam Kemp

If you ever get chance to be involved in a production, big or small, take that chance because I guarantee that you won’t regret it. 

Thank you to everyone who has made this past week so good. Everyone from the people on stage to the teachers who supported us, the others in the pit band who made me smile and laugh every rehearsal, the techy people, the audience and my family, who were supportive even when I had my doubts about the show.

West Side Story everyone. It’s been a blast. Well done guys - we completely smashed it. 
Credit to Sam Kemp









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Butterflies and Candy Floss

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Friday, 5 February 2016

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Some moments in life are dull and boring. They are completely grey and nothing can be done to give them colour. These are the days that have to be “dealt with”. We have to grit our teeth and get on with it. It’s the only thing we can do.

But there are other moments - moments that shine as bright as possible and sing as loud as they can. They are rainbows and dandelions - butterflies and candy floss. These are the moments that make us alive; they let us feel the buzz of the world in our innards and see the light of life in our eyes. We sparkle and glitter in even the dullest light and smile until we can’t smile anymore, but, even then, we still smile harder.

I love those days in which I feel that I can fly; I’m ready to take off any second. I’m on top of the world and confident in everything I do.

In these moments I am royal blue; I am magenta and orange; I’m peach and lime green. I am brighter than the stars and I see no darkness. For what is darkness, except the every day and the ordinary?




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"What is this?!" I hear you ask. "A Friday post that isn't a 5 Friday post? What?" This week I have been really busy as I've been playing in the pit band in my school's production of West Side Story. It's been a week full of rehearsals, getting ready for shows and the actual shows themselves! Although it's been a great week, it has drained me of a lot of energy which meant that I couldn't write in the little time I had. A post on the show will be up on Monday!  If you're reading this at any point from 7pm GMT then the last show will be going on!

Also, this is my 100th post on Another Ranting Reader - woop woop!





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Dear My 26 Year Old Self

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Monday, 1 February 2016

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Hey! How are you?

This is me right now:



And this is how I do my make-up:


(lol loving that improved lighting.)

So how does it feel to be 10 years away from being both 16 and 36? Scary, huh. Or have you gotten over the fear of growing up that seriously plagues me right now? I’m so scared of the future and of taking on responsibilities I know I’m not ready for. How are you handling it? - grown up life. 

Oh my god it must have been a while since you left university! At least, 3/4 years, right? How does that feel? Please tell me all about it, it’s one thing that I’m actually really looking forward to!

How’s Ioan? He’d be like 22/23 now, wouldn’t he? Wow, how’s a 23 year old Ioan?! Is he doing creative stuff or is he more academic? At the moment he’s a bit of a mix, and I kind of hope he stays that way.

How are everyone? Are you still in contact with people from school and Pembs? If so, who?

Is Mac still alive? She’s a pretty old cat now so I really fear the answer to that question. OH MY GOD HAVE YOU GOT A CAT OF YOUR OWN? PLLEEASE TELL YOU HAVE! WHAT’S ITS NAME? WHAT COLOUR IS IT? Oooh, I’m excited for this cat now, can you tell?

Where do you live? I currently still live at home, which, I hope, would be pretty obvious. So far this is the 3rd house you’ve lived in. You’ve been living in England for nearly a year and a half. It’s weird because it feels like you have lived here longer, but also like you moved here yesterday. Is that weird? I don’t know. Do you live in London? Are you back in Wales? Do you still live at home? I hope you’ve moved out by now, but if there’s a proper reason why you haven’t then you can’t help it. Do you live with anyone? Aw, are you in love? I really hope you're in love.

Do you still write basically every day? Are you still creative and bookish? I think that I’d probably fall apart inside if you weren’t. I’d be really devastated. 

Have you finished writing a novel? I hope to finish the first draft of my novel this year, but you never know, something could have stopped me from finishing it. Have you had anything published, apart from blog posts? Oh my word, do you even blog anymore? Please say that you’re actually reading this! I’d feel so sad if you’d let this blog go.

What’s your favourite book? What’s your favourite film? What does your phone look like? Is Doctor Who still running? Have aliens invaded yet? Because I feel like that’s only a matter of time.

I hope you’re well and that you’re happy. That’s the most important thing to me.

Good luck, and see you soon - if we’re calling 10 years soon.


Yourself, aged 16.
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5 of my favourite films (updated)

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Friday, 29 January 2016

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A bit over 6 months ago I posted about my 5 favourite films at the time. Since then I’ve looked back at that list and gone ‘meh’. I realised that I’d forgotten some films that I really loved and that really should’ve been on that list. Now, I can’t remember all of those films, but that list has definitely changed in the 6 months so I thought I would still update you, even though I’ll undoubtedly forget some again!

5. Inside Out


I saw this for the first time last November - a new Disney film for me to watch! How could I resist? The whole concept intrigued me; characters as emotions living in the brain? I loved it already! And I have to say that when I finally saw it I wasn’t disappointed. I identified so much with Riley and cried a ridiculous amount throughout. Yeah, I kind of embarrassed my brother a bit… Well, a lot. But never mind! I loved it and he gave me the DVD for Christmas so we’ve watched it a few times since!

4. Star Wars 


Those of you who follow my Pinterest or know m win real life will probably know, or have guessed, that I have a budding Star Wars obsession. It’s snowballing everyday and I have no shame whatsoever. I just love it!

3. Into the Woods


Again, I can’t believe I didn’t watch this film sooner, it’s completely brilliant! It’s everything I love in a film: a musical that combines multiple fairytales and adds another plot line in to gel them together, tons of symbolic stuff, pretty great actors and characters that develop hugely, loads of weighted themes and subjects handled and tons of subverting the fairytale genre. Seriously, what’s not to love?!

2. Cinderella (2015)


I began watching this film with low expectations. I had convinced myself that it wouldn’t be as good as the 1950 original film and that I would watch it once then leave it, telling others that it wasn’t as good. Oh my how I was wrong! Lily James was a brilliant Cinderella and I feel the character was given more depth and grit than her 1950 counterpart. You can see her struggles and she nearly cracks at several points, whereas she remained serene for almost the entirety of the 1950 film. Richard Madden is a great Prince (Kit) as well and you can see them falling in love more - it’s a lot more believable then the original Cinderella and Prince Charming! Also, Cate Blanchett and Helena Bonham Carter - need I say more? I love the main message spread throughout the film: to have courage and be kind.

And please listen to the soundtrack, it’s beautiful and I’m obsessed!

1. About Time


Yeah, this one’s unchanged. I still am completely in love with this film. It has so many elements of a classic, normal romcom, but to me it’s so much more than that. I could go on for ages about this film - I just love it so much! Everyone time I watch it I go away feeling inspired.
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