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Me at 24

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Monday, 23 October 2023

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As I child, I would have thought that I’d have my life much more together aged 24 than is my reality. Don’t get me wrong, I think that kid would still be really proud of who am now and maybe slightly in awe of my life now. I mean, I get paid to write about things I care about and live with a cat – what could be better than that?! 



24-year-old me is tired. I did just finish my Master’s, so I have good reason to be. I think everyone I know is exhausted at the moment. The state of the world has been a lot (understatement of the year) and has been grinding us down slowly. I’ve been trying to prioritise rest after handing in my dissertation, but that’s easier said than done. Capitalism also has a handy habit of making us feel incredibly guilty about resting and not working constantly. That’s super fun, thanks to whoever came up with that system! In such a system, actually resting becomes an act of resistance. And we can do our best to prevent harm to ourselves by reminding each other of that.

 

I finished my Master’s on 1st September, meaning that, at the time of writing, I have been uni-free for 7 weeks. It’s still early days and I’m trying to relax into some kind of routine. At the moment, that’s a lot of figuring out an organising system for my new flat (more on that in a bit), trying to figure out how I can survive (i.e. earn money to pay my bills and rent) while doing want I want and care about (i.e. campaigning, educating, writing). I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about how I want to expand and continue my freelance work – whether that’s journalism, campaign projects, workshops, social media, research or other community engagement. I have so many ideas for things I want to do and be a part of, but I know a lot of them take time and slow work to achieve. I’ve got time and am not rushing anything, and staying at my hospitality job post-Master’s is definitely keeping some sense of continuity in a very disjointed time. 

 

I moved house just after submitting my diss. This involved very stressful few days of frenzied packing, sorting, redistributing and cleaning before I moved into my flat. This has been the first time I’ve lived somewhere that came fully unfurnished. Although buying a fair chunk of furniture and appliances is expensive, I had a lot of fun finding cute and cheap secondhand items. There are still a couple of non-essentials on my list (mostly more shelving. I have a lot of books…), but the flat has come together really well. My flatmate and I (and our cat Mayonnaise!) have made it such a cosy space. 

 

At 24, I feel much more secure and comfort in myself. In my values, my friends, my knowledge, my sexuality, my skills, even my fashion sense. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still an incredibly anxious bean (I have spent almost all of being 23 monitoring the regrowth of a chunk of my hair after I pulled it out as a result of my trichotillomania) and I get panicky, uncertain and paranoid on a regular basis. But I’m now much more aware of my brain and how it behaves and (some of the time) when it’s lying to me. 

 

I’m still religiously watching Strictly after nearly two decades of fandom, but I’m also bawling at the Ghosts Christmas specials and getting inspired by Alaska Daily. Quiz shows like House of Games and The Wheel are my go-to happy shows. I read books that inspired me, informed how I think and make me reassess the world around me. I also read books that are silly, frivolous, entertaining and have very little impact on my behaviour. Some of these books may be shit but they give me comfort, provide fun, laughter and escapism. And boy do I love them for that!

 

I feel incredibly lucky to have the pals that I do, even if I don’t see most of them as often as I would like. So many people from so many different areas of my life give me such joy and hope in people. Because if there’s one thing I believe in, it’s people. I feel like I have a genuine support network around me, and I’m so grateful for that. There’s nothing like feeling genuinely safe with the people around you. 

 

I may be tired, but this newly-24-year-old is excited about the future and what it will bring. More cats and more books I say! 



If you liked this post you might like: Me at 23

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Me at 23

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Monday, 10 October 2022

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Today, I turn 23. I was thinking the other day about how this series may be a little strange but I genuinely love looking back on them years later. This is the seventh iteration of ‘Me at’ and it seems wild to me and yet somehow kind of comforting being able to look back at how I’ve grown in myself alongside my blog and my writing. The person writing ‘Me at 17’ six years ago could not have imagined who I am now. In fact, I think she’d be pretty proud of the person writing ‘Me at 23’ and that’s pretty cool.


 

A lot has happened in the past year, although as predicted in last year’s post from the outside my life doesn’t look that different. I’m living in the same house – now with more books, more placards and a cat – doing the same degree, working in the same please, wearing (mostly) the same clothes. I love the fact that some things have remained the same. It’s nice to be in a stable place, both physically and mentally, for a little while. 

 

Under the surface though, a lot has changed. 


 

One of the biggest things that happened to me this year was finally starting medication for my anxiety. At several points last year, but particularly throughout October, my mental health got pretty bad and it took a while for me to make the decision to actually go on medication. It took book recommendations from pals (thank you Rosie for lending me Hands by Lauren Brown) and discussions with pals to make me take my mental illness serious and treat it like what it is: an illness. However long it took, I’m proud of myself for taking that step to look after myself. It hasn’t completely stopped my anxiety or compulsive behaviors, and I didn’t expect it to, but it has made a notable difference. I’m no longer walking down the street in fight or flight mode and that makes life a hell of a lot easier. 

 

If you’d told me last year that I would have directly confronted the then Home Secretary and my university’s Vice-Chancellor, as well as co-organised and hosted two rallies, I would not have believed you. This year has really opened my eyes to what I’m capable of doing, as well as recognising when I need to step back for my own wellbeing. My imagination is brimming with ideas for things to do and write, but even if I may not have the capacity to carry them out right now I can pass on the ideas to someone else. The team is the best part of these. The actions my past self would have been in awe at me for doing is all possible because of the team in place to carry them out. Together, we are so much more powerful than if we stand alone. 



Many of the friendships I made and developed at 22, largely down to being more involved with activist groups like GNDR and the campaigns I’ve been part of, I now can’t imagine my life without. Some friendships aren’t meant to last forever. They can come and go and be meaningful even if they’re only around for a short amount of time. And that’s okay. At the same time as those friendships come and go in cycles, others come along and feel like home. I’m so grateful to the friends who I might not see as much as I would like (frankly that includes pretty much all of them), but whom I know I can be my full self with. There is so much joy to be had even when things around us are looking godawful. Friendship is what makes it all worthwhile. Joy became a real priority for me at 22, and I don’t want to let that go at 23. 

 

After finishing my undergrad, I was desperate to start reading more for fun again but wasn’t sure if I’d end up in a reading slump. Luckily, there hasn’t been one huge reading slump. I’ve read less for fun while I’ve had more uni reading to do, but when I’m in the writing stages of a project I am able to speed through books. I feel like I’ve been able to regain my love of reading that may have straggled a little bit when I was doing my undergrad (simply from the amount of prescribed reading I was doing then compared to then freedom I have since gained). There was a couple of weeks last August when I read 12 books, and the vast majority weren’t related to my work in the slightest. Getting caught up in a story just for the sake of it, so that you spend an entire afternoon with your nose stuck in its pages or stay up hours after you’d planned on going to sleep because you can’t tear yourself away from it is magical. I miss that feeling when I don’t have it and want to be in the position to spend as much of my life reading underneath a blanket with a big cup of tea as possible. 

 


This time last year, starting my Master’s put into a bit of confusion and instability at not having a set routine. I still don’t properly have a routine, but I’ve adapted to the flow of it. I think having no teaching anymore really helped me get that stability I needed. I now just have my own schedule to worry about, and I love having that control. I’m excited about the work I get to do and do truly love my learning right now. Since the beginning of the new academic year it has felt like a bit of a shift. Starting the second year of my MLitt has made the end of it feel closer and much more real. Last year it was comforting to know roughly what my life would look like now, but right now I have no clue what I’ll be doing in a year’s time. Hopefully I’ll have finished my dissertation by then, but apart from that who knows. If I think about it too closely I get a little bit panicky, but not as panicky as I would expect. Hey, maybe it’s the anxiety medication. Either way, we’ll have to see what this year brings. 

 

Ooh, and I’m a dye-induced ginger now! I love it a lot and probs won’t give up the ginge life anytime soon. 

 

Here’s to reading good books, wearing good clothes, and laughing with good friends. 

 

This is me, at 23. 



If you like my work and have learned something from it, please consider helping support me (so I have more time to write posts and articles like these!) by buying me a virtual cuppa! 


If you liked this post you might like: Me at 22


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Me at 22

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Friday, 15 October 2021

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I don’t know about but I’m feeling 22! 



Okay, I’m sorry (I’m not at all), but that had to be done. It’s a rite of passage no for anyone who turns 22 post-Taylor Swift’s Red-era. So yes, on Sunday I turned 22 and it means that it’s time for my annual reflection on my life, how I’ve changed, and where I’m going. Does anyone else do this? Is it a bit of an odd tradition? I find it kind of comforting to have a documentation of who I am at each year of my life. Before writing this, I read back over my Me at 21 post and it made me laugh several times. In that post I wrote that ‘21 is going to be the year of self-care and learning boundaries’ – and to be honest, I think that it was. 

 

I won’t lie lockdowns were difficult, and I think I only realised how difficult once we came out of them and I began to see friends again. It really hit home to me how, although they have been a lifeline, Zoom calls are nowhere near a replacement for seeing friends and family in person. Even with many lockdowns, I’ve learned to love my body and to feel sexy again after my herpes diagnosis (something I’ve referred to quite cryptically in blog posts beforehand). It took a lot of time, disclosing my status to my first partner post-diagnosis, putting back on the weight I’d lost when I was first really ill with it, talking about my experiences extensively with friends, and finally writing about it publicly in my first ever paid writing job. It’s something I’m now proud to be talking about openly and won’t ever try to hide again. It’s still scary to think of having to disclose to future partners but I know now that it will be okay. I’ve grown massively in accepting that in the past year and you can guarantee you’ll be seeing me talk a lot more about it in the future.

 

I’ve also set myself more boundaries with work and making sure I don’t take on too much than I can handle. I’ve not applied for jobs I would have loved because I knew it would burn me out, I’ve turned down more serious volunteer roles in organisations I love because I don’t have the capacity to do anymore work for free. And I’m so proud of myself for actually saying no, because time was I would have applied for and said yes to every opportunity that came my way. I now know my limits a better and can feel when I’m reaching them. Did somebody say self-care??

 

As has been the case in most of my recent birthdays, I’m now in a new house! Still in my beloved Newcastle, this place has so much more space, an incredible bookshelf that is built into my wall, and it’s been so amazing to be able to share my space with friends of mine and my flatmates. It’s the first time I’ve lived in a house with two storeys for probably about 6 or 7 years, and for some reason it makes me feel a bit more grown-up? Not sure the logic there, it may be because I have a laundry room and a spare room now. I know right, wild! I have many more plants now and feel more confident caring for them – I managed to bring the plant I called Billy last year back from the dead. I now have several of these plants in two lines on my window sill behind my desk, meaning when I’m working I have lots of sunlight on me, plants in front of me, and candles and books to the side of me. Living my best life. 



In the last few months of 21 in particular, I have felt my work as a writer really take off. I have had 2 paid articles out so far, including one from Shado Mag whom I absolutely adore, and have recently accepted a new role (drum roll please) as a contributing writer for Remake, meaning I have my first steady paid writing job. I cannot believe that I get to be paid for what I love doing and am now what I wanted to be as a kid. My younger self would be in awe of me and honestly I cannot think of anything better. Remake has really given me confidence in what I’m doing, both in my activism and my writing this past year. In my last birthday post I wrote about pinching myself being in Zoom calls with those people. Now, over a year after first becoming an ambassador, I have been a guest on one of their community calls, an Ambassador of the Month, a contributing writer, had conversations with incredible people at its core, and made some amazing friends. I could not love Remake and its community more. It fills me with so much joy, hope, and motivation that I’ve been able to carry through into other areas of my life. 

 

Not only has my writing grown, but I have also been getting more involved with other climate activist groups, mostly Green New Deal Rising, doing smaller in-person protests. I’m going to write a whole blog post on why I love GNDR but doing in-person actions which have gained some traction (including Caroline Lucas mentioning an action against Rishi Sunak which I co-ordinated in Parliament) has given me so much motivation. It’s given me more confidence and I really feel like I’m now part of the movements making impactful change. I also organised my first protest the other week outside the opening of a new H&M store in Newcastle. It was so fun, and may have been a smaller action but I’m proud that I actually organised something like that! 



This time last year I had no idea what my life would look like now, but now I roughly know what my life will look like at 23. I started my Masters in the past few weeks – I know, it took me a while to mention – and I’m enjoying it so far even if I’m still figuring out my schedule with it. Last year I was determined I wasn’t going to do a Masters because I thought it would be a panic one, but instead I just found an area I wanted to study more during one of the last modules of my undergrad and have rolled with that. It’s part-time, meaning I have some more time for other projects, including my writing, new part-time job, and voluntary work, and I have my life semi-planned for the next 2 years (it may also mean I will finally get an actual proper graduation!). So far, I’m reading interesting books, writing whenever I can, and trying to make sure I find the joy wherever I can. 

 

At the same time as doing more serious things and working more, I’m trying to make sure I have regular and purposeful joy in my life. I’m actively going to the beach and swimming in the sea more, wearing fun underwear for myself, making an effort to see friends in person more now that we are finally able to, and there is always more room in life for another dance party. I’m also dying my hair a new colour next week, so I will have bundles of joy in that! 


 

The past few years have been a bit tumultuous for me personally (whose early 20s aren’t to be honest?) but I feel like I’m settling in to what I want to do, who I am, and what I value. Even if I may be a bit rocky sometimes (and let’s be real I don’t ever see a world where I’m not an anxious little shit) I feel like I know my own worth than I did a year ago, definitely more than I did two years ago. And yes, imagine I was doing finger guns at the end of that sentence. Still as cool as ever. 


Oh yeah - and I did that fringe. Nearly forgot about it. I mentioned in my 'Me at 21' post that I was sure I would have one before the end of the year, and I was right. I cut myself a fringe on a random afternoon in lockdown November when I was bored of writing my dissertation proposal. It takes a lot of work to maintain but I love it, even if it does mean I have to wash my hair a bit more often. Feels like I've had it forever - it's a keeper!

 

But anyways - this is me, at 22!



If you like my work and have learned something from it, please consider helping support me (so I have more time to write posts and articles like these!) by buying me a virtual cuppa! 


If you liked this post you might like: Me at 22

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Me at 21

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Friday, 9 October 2020

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So now I’m 21 (technically, my birthday’s tomorrow but I don’t post on Saturdays…). Somehow I think turning 21 has had more of an impact on me than 20. 20 is a bit of a trial run, you’re still a bit of a teenager and not a proper 20-something, and 21 is, well, actually 20-something. There’s no pretending now, I am an actual adult and have to deal with that fact. 



It also feels like 20 kind of didn’t happen. 20 started off great, it was amazing for a few months, but then kind of came crashing down around me, even before the pandemic happened. My mental health plummeted in a way it hadn’t done before (even if I’ve always generally been a relatively anxious person) and it made me rethink a lot of things, particularly my boundaries and what effective self-care actually is. It’s taken me what feels like a long time (most of being 20 in fact) to claw my mental health to be back at a reasonable level, and while I’m doing well now – most of the time – I’m also incredibly aware of the effort that maintaining and improving that level of wellbeing is and will be very difficult. 

 

I’ve learned a lot in the past year. I’ve had to do a lot of inner reflection and confronting the ways I’ve internalised certain things I had previously thought I was pretty open and progressive about. But you know what, learning those things is good and allows you to not only improve your own wellbeing and relationship with yourself, but also the relationships you have with others and to make the impact you have on others more positive as a whole. 

 

So 21 is going to be the year of self-care and learning boundaries. While I’m still very busy, maybe just as much as I was this time last year if not more so, I think I’m preparing myself better through setting myself certain restrictions. I’m ignoring those messages about projects I’m involved with that come through at 11:30 on a Wednesday night, and leaving them unopened until at least 9am on the next working morning, something I may have been tempted to answer straight away previously. 

 

I now have Audre Lorde’s quote about self-care being ‘an act of political warfare’ framed on my bedroom wall and am taking it incredibly seriously, especially in terms of the ‘warfare’ aspect. Aggressive self-care is sometimes required and I’m going to have some tough love on myself to effectively look after myself and prosper over this coming year. I can then hopefully just have those things in place or as routines to ensure self-care becomes an actual habit and not a chore or something to do on a whim.



Somehow I’ve got 400 words into this post without even mentioning uni or anything other than my brain, but I guess that goes to show what’s been on my mind lately. 

 

I am now in my final year of my undergrad. Yep, this is my last ‘Me at…’ post as a student (unless I end up doing a panic masters of course but I hope that won’t be the case). Normally, I’d be in the full swing of uni by now, but when this goes up it will be the last day of my induction week. Although I think it is, I’m not entirely sure, I’m kind of confused with what’s happening with uni at the moment. I did get my dissertation deadlines through at the beginning of the week. No communication other than that, so that’s fun for a brain which automatically goes into panic mode. But it’s fine. I’m trying to focus on planning and doing little bits here and there and gradually building up my workload so I don’t overwhelm myself. 

 

I’ve got another week before teaching fully starts and I’m trying to make sure I stick to the boundary goals I’ve set myself. Now that my volunteering time with N.E.S.T is much more flexible (i.e. not on the weekends), I’m hoping to use the weekends as proper downtime and as a chance to make the most of Newcastle and the North East as I don’t know if I’ll be living here this time next year. I’ve got a small list of places to go and things to see, and honestly if 22-year-old me is reading this and hasn’t done a lot of those things I will be disappointed. Come on future me, get your act in gear! 

 

One good thing which has come out of the pandemic for me is having been able to do more campaigning in terms of slow fashion and being able to write more on the topics I love. I was put on furlough for my usual holiday job (eventually being let go in August), so I was effectively paid to educate myself in more detail on the fashion industry and racism, as well as to write for my blog and for other platforms (particularly The Tab), organize projects for N.E.S.T and prep for FemSoc. With my mental health being what it was this year, particularly earlier on, I’m glad that I was able to take things super slowly wherever I wanted but still have some things to do and eventually get me motivated, and I count myself incredibly lucky that I was in such a comfortable situation for lockdown.

 

I am now an ambassador for the organisation Remake, which does amazing work advocating for systemic change within the fashion industry to improve it for both people and planet. I still kind of can’t believe I’m actually officially involved with this organisation. It was a pretty cool moment when I was accepted and I still have to pinch myself a little bit when I’m on group calls with such cool people.


 

While I had dyed my hair a few times when I was 19, 20 really became the year that having red hair became more of a permanent thing for me. I feel so comfortable and confident within myself having my hair red, and I know this may sound cringey, but I do feel more well, ‘me’, when my hair is dyed. Whatever the hell that means… I now only do my hair at home, and haven’t been to the hairdressers since I had my major chop back when I was 18. I mostly do trims by myself (or get my flatmate Jude to have a go) and was really happy with some of the shaping I did at the front a few months ago. Obviously nowhere near professional level but I thought I did a pretty good job. I’ve been getting urges to cut myself a fringe over the past few months too. I’m not sure if it’s lockdown induced, however I would be surprised if I hadn’t succumbed to those temptations before the year was out. 

 

In previous years, I have tried to look after a couple of plants and have completely failed. I killed off Enid, Enid 2.0 and Enid 3.0 in the space of about a year and a half. I’ve now decided to steer clear from cyclamens and go for some hardier plants. In the 6 weeks I’ve been in my new flat, I have acquired 7 new plants. Firstly, a replacement cactus for a pot whose original occupant I had killed over lockdown (yes, I did manage to kill a cactus, leave me alone I was sad). I then got a snake plant called Stevie (after Nicks) and a creeping fig called Billy (after Ocean) who now lives in my bathroom. I also got a succulent my brother decided to call Dennis, a spider plant I named Octavia after an Instagram call out for names, an aloe vera called Brenda (because Brenda Blethin plays Vera. I thought it was hilarious…) and I now have a crocodile fern my brother gave to me as a birthday present and who I’ve named Delilah. Ooh, and I nearly forgot, I have a chive pant I’ve called Clive, who sits on the kitchen windowsill next to my regrown spring onions. I guess that’s really 8 plants. I guess I am now a fully-fledged plant mum, and believe me when I say I am learning a lot more about their needs this time! Who knows, maybe I’ll be brave enough to get an Enid 4.0 at some point in the future!



It’s a bit scary thinking about this time next year. I have some potentials for paths I could take but that’s dependent on many things, and in all honesty I don’t know what my life will look like at 22. For now, I’m just going to focus on looking after myself, completing my degree to the best of my ability, enjoying Newcastle and student life while I can, and trying not to kill any of my plant children. Not too much to ask, surely? 



If you liked this post you might like: Me at 20
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Me at 20

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Thursday, 10 October 2019

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Today, I turn 20. Well that’s weird. No longer a teenager huh. When you’re younger ‘your twenties’ seems so far off, so alien. In your head you have an imaginary version of yourself, all hypothetical and adult – they have their shit together, they look and well, are, cool. And their feet reach the end of the bed. 


None of that happened. Now, 20-year-old me is real and still not very adult, and my feet still don’t reach the end of the bed.

I am now in my second year of uni. I won’t lie, it’s odd not being the newbies anymore. People ask me directions or questions about the uni projects I’m involved in and I know the answers. I love being back in Newcastle. And it’s great to be in a new house, out of first year halls and with new opportunities to explore new areas of the city more easily. I am feeling overwhelmed being back, even though it’s only been about three weeks (even if it’s only about 2 actually in uni doing stuff). It’s a very different overwhelmed than last year, though. Now, the place and most of the people are familiar to me, I just seem to have way more on my plate in terms of both academics as well as in other areas of my life.

My room is beginning to take shape. I’ve still got some prints to put up on my walls, but that’s the only thing that’s really left to do. They’re from some of my favourite films (as well as one of our Lady Goddess and Saviour Ruth Bader Ginsburg) so hopefully it’ll look really cool when I’m done. I’ve got books piled on every surface possible, my yoga mat permanently on the floor (and it’s not always covered with shoes and bits of paper!), and a plant pot waiting for an inhabitant (I accidentally killed its last one last year, so it’s now time for me to find Enid 2.0). 

I am still vegan, and can’t believe that it’s been nearly a year and a half. Obviously there have been hiccups along the way – none intentional, I might add – but every mistake is a learning curve and helps me improve next time I go somewhere. Let’s just say I now bring snacks everywhere and know to say ‘No cheese!’ when buying anything in Disneyland.  

In my birthday post last year, I mentioned that I was really focusing on trying to change my shopping habits to include less plastic and less fast fashion. And to be fair, I feel like I’ve been relatively successful in that. I will forever be a work in progress in this respect, as sometimes these things are unavoidable. I mean plastic is literally everywhere! I rarely buy clothes anymore, and when I do, most of the time they’ll be second hand or from more ethical high street stores (M&S you are my trouser fave), and very occasionally from smaller independent companies, although that’s very rare due to their prices (very rare as in not happened yet but it’s the goal). I’m currently saving up to buy a cool pair of ethically made trousers from one such company and I’m looking forward to trying it! With every item I now own, I try my best to wear over and over again. It’s definitely made me more creative and bold with my fashion choices. 

My hair is much longer than it was. Last year, it was still pretty short after the major chop I had done at the end of college. Since then I’ve only trimmed it every now and again, so that it now goes down to just below my shoulders. I love having it this length, it means that I can experiment with my hair - and by that I mean I am able to do Leia buns again!

This year, I am definitely more involved in uni outside of my studies. Last May I was elected Social Media Secretary for the Feminist Society – something that combines my two loves: feminism, and oversharing onlinesharing information about the issues I care about online. One of the first things I did with FemSoc was to start up a monthly Feminist Book Club. We held our first book club event two evenings ago, focused around Reni Eddo-Lodge’s Why I Am No Longer Talking to White People About Race. It went so well and has made me even more excited about the future of this book club and future FemSoc events coming up this year!

I’m also much more involved in a uni volunteer organisation called N.E.S.T. this year. NEST is a project which aims to empower refugees and asylum seekers in the North East through further education in the English language. I went along to lots of NEST sessions last year, but this year my friend and I are the kids’ leads. It’s become such a big part of my life now and I love it so much – I just can’t wait to get back into the swing of things!

In the past year, I’ve really had to figure out how to look after myself mental health-wise. I won’t go into detail but let’s just say it’s been a learning curve I’m still definitely learning from. Now I’m warier of watching my limits, keeping busy but not so much that I burn out, as well as watching any other factors which may have a significant effect in whatever way.

At this moment in my life I feel like I’m more certain of some things and less certain of others. With an emphasis on the latter. I feel like things are getting a tad more serious now, and that’s kinda scary. But hey, I guess I’ll just keep reading interesting books and getting excited about new vegan food and see how we go.

This is me, at 20. 



If you liked this post you might like: Me at 19

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Me at 19

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Monday, 15 October 2018

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As of today, I officially have one year left of being a teenager. WHAT?? Okay, I’m not saying that again for a while. 
So, here we are again. And this time I’m in a much different place to this time last year, in a few different ways.

I am now in university, studying English Literature and Politics at Newcastle, and have been here for about two and a half weeks. So far, I’m loving it. I love exploring a new city, meeting new people and learning something new every day. Ask me if I’m feeling the same way when I’m writing my first essay and I may give you a different answer! I have become a member of a few societies as well taking part in my subject’s netball team and booking a few yoga classes at the Sports Centre (wish me luck). 

With university came a new room. It is roughly the same size as my room at home, if not in fact bigger. The Suffragette-coloured crochet blanket I was given for my birthday now lives on my bed, lying over a couple of bright IKEA pillows, or simply hanging around my shoulders so I look like some kind of feminist superhero. Opposite my bed is my slim wooden wardrobe and a small chest of drawers, which close in my sink, mirror and mesh pop-up dirty clothes basket, which always seems to be at least half-full no matter how many loads of washing I do. By the side of my bed stands another small chest of drawers, identical to the one next to my wardrobe, which is cluttered with all sorts: a box oftissues overflowing onto a decorative blue light, a half-finished antihistamine packet, my hairbrush, deodorant, a can of dry shampoo and at the bottom of a picture of my parents and I before my Year 11 prom. 

On the wall to my left as I sit in my bed, is perhaps the most colourful rea of my room. Against the backdrop of my almost luminous turquoise wall, is my work area: my desk and bookshelves, which harbor whatever of my book collection I could fit in the car on the drive up here, folders, stationary, recipe books and cartoon prints; one of a girl wearing a yellow jumper, blue jeans and hat with a background the colour of her lipstick, and the other of an umbrella of the same yellow in front of a pattern of blue raindrops. 

To the right of my desk is another larger chest of drawers, filled with my many skirts, jumpsuits, trousers and dungarees. It is similarly scattered as my bedside table, this time with my makeup, jewelry and bits of paper I haven’t yet found a place for. Behind these, a large cork board leans against the wall, covered with volunteering and society flyers, GP and accommodation details, discount vouchers and freebie reminders, postcards and mementos.

Apart from uni, the next biggest change in my life would probably be the fact that I am now officially a vegan. This time last year I was only a relatively new veggie, and since then I’ve gradually been switching out all the other animal products, besides meat, and then one day, a few months ago, I realized I hadn’t eaten dairy in a while. I couldn’t be happier with my diet at the moment – I feel great about my body and health.

Veganism has helped me develop how I approach other areas of my life in a more ethical manner. For example, over the past year I’ve made a considerable effort to reduce my waste and consumption of fast fashion. These endeavours are going well, and I’ve learned a lot about both our societal consumption habits and my own. I all three of these areas, I am well aware that it is impossible to be perfect. You cannot live truly ethically in our current system, no matter how hard you may try, and I want to always be aware of the privilege that I have to even be able to make these decisions. Let’s keep doing our best, people – it’s all we can do.

I am now a full on stereotype, but I love it!

My favourite shows remain largely the same: Brooklyn-99 and Death in Paradise being my go-tos when I need something comforting, familiar and light-hearted. I have, however, actually ventured out and watched some new shows this year. Lovesick has joined my re-watch ranks and lately, I’ve been obsessed with a few shows: The Circle (please give me a new series!!) and The Good Place. 

As ever, my birthday has brought with it my favourite time of the TV year. Bake Off (vegan week was incredible!), Strictly and Doctor Who are all back. Doctor Who is especially significant this year, as I’m sure you’re aware, as Jodie Whittaker marks the first ever woman to play the title role. I didn’t realise quite how much her portrayal of The Doctor meant to me until I first saw her on-screen reveal. Since then I’ve been blubbing at practically every promo, trailer, picture and interview I saw prior to the first episode, and, indeed, at the first episode. I was so happy with the first episode and hope the next follow in their suit (I am writing this before the second episode was released). It’s about time, after all. 

I have worn very little makeup over the past year. Most days, I have gone bare face, while using makeup every now and again, when I have a bit more time to get ready or an occasion. In style, I’m still pretty much the same (eyeliner prominent as ever), however I feel like I have refined my makeup skills outside of eyeliner and enjoy it just as much. 

I finished my job at my local library about a month ago, and I won’t lie and say that I don’t miss it. As of yet, I haven’t got a new job, I’m waiting until I’m a bit further along in the year to find a job (once I am more used to my workload). Until then, I’m continuing a mystery shopping job I got over the summer and will hopefully be able to do some more sponsored content on this here blog.

I now have a feeling of direction in my life. I have goals which I am determined to meet and am confident in my abilities to. For now, I’m trying to hold on to that optimism. The world may seem like a sh*t place for the majority of the time, but I want to try and channel my incredible fear levels to prevent the worst nightmares of a generation from coming true (or cascading into even more chaos than the reality we are currently living in).

This is me. At 19.


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Me at 18

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Tuesday, 10 October 2017

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Today, I turn 18.
I am tired, I am frustrated, but I am excited. I am excited about the future but also weighed down by it. With the world at the moment, who knows if it will even have a future, or if one of my potential futures will be with white wings over my head and a new, patrionymic name to my head. I am active. I am inspired by others and want to make change. I know now that that is what I want my life to be: change.

In the past few months, I have been planning for university. I have known I have wanted to study English Literature and Politics for a while longer and now have the 5 universities I’m applying to: Reading, Newcastle, York, Glasgow, and Swansea. Although, having visited the first three (so far) on open days, I now know that I am desperate to go to Newcastle. I finally have something more of a motivator to complete my A Levels, (which, by the way, will crush the spirit of even the most enthusiastic and optimistic).

Speaking of A Levels, I have just started my 5th week of my second year at college – A2. I dropped Classics once I’d finished it at AS Level, something I’m kind of glad at now having seen my friends talk about it to me (it seems so complicated!). So now I’m left with my success in English Language & Literature, History and Government & Politics deciding if I get into my dream uni or not. I have to say that the gap between AS and A2 is a lot greater than the gap between GCSE and AS – one that no one tells you about, they only tell you about how difficult AS year is in comparison to GCSE. I wish I could tell myself not to worry about AS year and that A2 is the real killer of a year.


My favourite book is still Pride and Prejudice, but I have some new ones to add to my favourites list: In Cold Blood by Truman Capote and Citizen by Claudia Rankine.

Tonight, I'm going to become a member of the Green Party. I keep forgetting to actually sign up (I've been meaning to do it for a while) but by saying I'm going to sign up today, I will. I'm committing myself to the Internet! (Also, Caroline Lucas, I love you.)

I still live in the same square bedroom with the same long window. My view outside hasn’t changed, except now it is nearing autumn the light has become a burnt yellow streams in with a slight slant as the days diminish. But the wall of me has now grown. I have letters from my MP pinned to my notice board and signs from demonstrations blu-tacked around the book posters and photos of nostalgia.

My room seems to have grown. Not in size, but in the pages and pages of paper that cover my desk, chest of drawers, window ledge and seemingly seep from under my bed.

I still love my skirts. However, my style has now shifted towards midi-skirts. I have 2 and can’t wait to get more – my newest one even has pockets!!

I suppose the biggest change that I’m taking forward into my adult life is the fact that I am now vegetarian (properly, as of sometime in September). I first tried it during my trip to Berlin with my college. Since then, I’ve taken it slow and hope to become fully vegan at some point in the future. Or at least, almost fully vegan (I don’t know if I can ever give up Nutella). I feel so comfortable and happy with this change. I’ve changed my way of thinking – for more than one reason – and I do feel much better physically, although that may just be a placebo. I love cooking. I do so often for my family. I can’t wait to cook for myself when I move out and have full control of my diet.

I still live with my parents, my brother and my cat and I still do Pilates with my mum. I don’t go to parkrun anymore. I valued my sleep more and then about a month ago I started working at my local library (which I love) but that means that I can’t run at 9am and stop in time to start working for 9am.

ABBA are still my favourite. Now, I am majorly obsessed with Anastasia the Musical and wish that I could see the original cast perform it, but I know that’s very unlikely to happen. Singing the soundtrack constantly counts as History revision, right? RIGHT?

TV. Damn, I do watch a lot of TV. I think I’m becoming more of a series kind of person now. First of all, Game of Thrones. I’m seriously obsessed. I love it so much – partly because it’s so political, and because of the really complex characters (even more so in the books, which I’m working my way through).

There’s probably a lot more to say, but I can’t think of what that is right now.

Here’s to adulthood! Now, I’m off to have a curry and a drink.


This is me. At 18.

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Me at 17

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Monday, 10 October 2016

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I’m currently in my fifth week of studying for my A-levels: History, English, Classical Civilisation and Government and Politics.

My favourite book is Pride and Prejudice by the wonderful Jane Austen, my favourite writer. So far, the only Austen novels I haven’t read are Mansfield Park and Northanger Abbey, even though I’ve already listened to an abridged audiobook of the latter. Obviously, Mr Darcy is my fave of course, though I still love Mr Knightley and the others.

TV wise, the shows I watch most are FRIENDS and Glee. The Great British Bake Off is currently running its last series at the BBC and in all honesty I can’t see it carrying on much longer after Channel 4 takes it up, considering it has lost the majority of its core team. Strictly has only restarted its 14th series 3 weeks ago – my addiction for the year restarting with it! Agent Carter is also a favourite of mine, although it was cancelled earlier this year after the release of its 2nd series. I don’t think I will ever forgive them!

My bedroom is a square room, with a long window which looks out onto the neighbours and the woods behind them. Stacked on the thick window ledge that lines the window is my DVD collection; a selection of charity-shop-bought romcoms and dramas. On one wall opposite is the desk on which I do all my homework and often use to write: my novel, blog posts, notes and plans – poems I tend to scribble in notebooks while I’m in bed. The nighttime is the best time for poetry. On the wall adjacent to my desk stands my wardrobe and my bookcase, which holds over 300 books after my last count. The wall next to my bookcase is covered in posters, postcards and pictures I’ve printed out from online and of my own taking. I feel like it’s kind of me chucked up onto the off-white paint.

My dirty washing basket is made up of battered white wickerwork that frays at the top and is lined with a dying old floral bag that clings to the basket despite its severed side. I don’t know why that was important to say, but somehow I felt it was.

I’m a bit of a skirt addict. I just love them. I have loads, from short and skimpy to long and flowing, I think they’re gorgeous and where one most days.

Social media wise, I’m kind of addicted to Pinterest and Twitter. I have so many boards on Pinterest but don’t care – it’s a great way to find new ways to be creative, find new creative people and be inspired!

I live with my parents, my brother and my cat in South England. I do Pilates on a Wednesday evening with my mum and often go to parkrun on a Saturday morning with my dad.

I love Victoria sponge cake, pickled onion Monster Munch and Honey Cheerios and will choose profiteroles over any other dessert 93% of the time.

I’m obsessed with ABBA and have their music playing most of the time. I find ABBA More Gold is actually a great album to work to, I don’t know why but the songs actually help me focus as well as singing along when I’m not working. I am now officially a Dancing Queen as well as I am now OnLYYY SEVenTEEEEEEEEENNN!!!! I also am in love with the album Rumours by Fleetwood Mac and keep telling myself that I need to listen to more of their music as Rumours sped straight to my all-time favourites list after a sunny afternoon spent listening to it in a paddling pool. Also, McFly. MCFLY.

Here’s how I do my hair and makeup:


(I got my hair cut two days ago and I LOVE it! It was a lot longer before this and I much prefer it now, although you can bet I'll be pining for long hair again in a matter of weeks.)


(There are loads of variations of these - particularly with eyeshadow and lipstick!)

These are the products I use:


Here’s my current lipstick collection:


I wear a silver locket most days, which is too small to hold anything decent. I did consider filling it with sand from a beach in Wales once, but then realized that all of it would fall out as soon as I opened the locket (I have an annoying habit of opening and closing it incessantly) which would only result in me getting a load of irritating grains of sand down my bra. If I’m not wearing my locket, I’m probably wearing the red beads that belonged to my great-nan. They’re of no actual value but are priceless sentimentally and I love how cute they are! Last Thursday I bought this fancy black choker which I've been loving so much in the four days I've had it!

Speaking of annoying habits: I plait and fiddle with my hair absent-mindedly, which probably isn’t the best for its health. I also tend to fiddle with my toes when I’m lying down, pick at my fingernails often and don’t play my violin as much as I should.

I hardly ever paint my fingernails – it takes up so much time and it always ends up in tatters as I can never be bothered to remove it properly. I still have my earlobes pierced, however, I always forget to actually wear earrings. I need to start doing that more often as I have so many pairs!

On my toast, I usually have Marmite, while I pile Nutella on my crumpets. I take my tea reasonably strong: milk, no sugar. I enjoy fruity ciders and Apple and Raspberry J20, if not, a glass of cold water will normally suffice.

On YouTube, I watch all the Fletchers, as well as Dodie Clark and Hannah Witton (those are my favourites I’d say). I look out for all of Hazel Hayes’ Time of the Month series and am subscribed to lots of smaller YouTubers that I LOVE. Just watching bigger names can get a bit boring sometimes.

This is me. At 17.



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