On 11th May 2015, I published my first blog post here on Another Ranting Reader.
A 15-year-old schoolgirl who had moved to England from Wales barely 8 months before. My confidence was knocked, I felt like the odd one out in most situations, especially at school, where I felt like an intruder in friendship groups, grappling to stay above water. I was quieter than I had been, gradually becoming out of my shell as the surrounding became more familiar – yet at the same time still heartbroken seeing my friends at home living life without me.
I was always a massive reader. I love writing and telling stories from a young age. It made me happy and writing stories about mermaids morphed into finding a purpose through storytelling. I wanted to write for a living, I think I still wanted to write fiction and crate my own narratives, to become a published novelist. Since then, those goals have changed somewhat, but very naturally.
I was frustrated by career advisors at school telling me that to be a writer I would only be able to write corporate copy, rather than have the freedom to express myself. I think it was after that, in my usual stubbornness that has only increased as I’ve got older, that I decided to start my blog. I wanted somewhere to share ideas, be creative, practise my craft and, maybe someday, earn a living from writing. And that I did.
I began determined to write regularly. And I mostly did. Sharing posts twice, sometimes three times a week. There wasn’t much cohesion in what I was writing for a while. My very first post was an article I’d written for an assignment in school, where we had to share an opinion in the style of a newspaper columnist like Caitlin Moran. I wrote about the books that influenced me, philosophical tangents my brain took me on, advice for other people moving fair distances.
Eventually, as I started learning more about feminism, climate, injustice and politics (much of which was sparked by the differences I was seeing around me compared to back home in Pembrokeshire – access to different resources, events, and opportunities based on increased funding and proximity to London), I began sharing my thoughts on political events and issues. The type of writing that would develop into my journalism and campaign writing. You can definitely see a lot of my political development throughout this blog.
I think that lonely 15-year-old would be in awe of the 25-year-old she has become. She wouldn’t believe that I am now a four-times Sunday Times published journalist, that I make my living from writing and telling stories (and even for correcting people’s grammar and spelling!). She wouldn’t believe that I’ve led rallies or marches or confronted oil bosses or even changed policy at a students’ union. She would probably be surprised that I lived so far up north. But I know that I would make her proud. I remember often wondering, wow what will I be like at X years old. What will I be like in my twenties?! I must have all my life together, own my own house, have a steady partner and a cat and know exactly what to say. But that’s not the case. And to be honest I don’t care about that (apart from the cat, I’ve lived with several as an adult but hopefully will be able to adopt my own soon, landlord willing…). I now have more steady work, where my skills as a communicator pay my rent and bills. I have a wonderful community around me – and further afield – of people I love and who love me and whom I trust and who trust me. I understand my OCD brain and my bisexuality a lot more than I did 10 years ago (I think I knew I had OCD then but wasn’t ready to admit it to myself.
As a much more confident 25-year-old who still doesn’t have her shit together, I still know that 15-year-old is in there somewhere. Every time I publish a new article she gives a cheer.
Another Ranting Reader was the first step of me stepping out of my comfort zone. Initially, it was pretty vulnerable. I thought it might give me more ridicule and make me stand out more than I already did as the random Welsh kid in the class. But it become a route for me to regain my confidence and find myself as a writer. It helped me developed my politics, my outlook and life, and ultimately, became a way for me to getting my first paid writing job 6 years later.
I can’t imagine what my life would be like without Another Ranting Reader. It’s so linked with everything I do now, even if I don’t publish very often here anymore. That quiet is for a good reason though, and the reason why I ultimately started this blog – I am busy writing elsewhere as part of my work.
So, here’s to 10 years of Another Ranting Reader, to celebrating ourselves and our non-traditional successes and milestones, and here’s to the 15-year-old Welsh girl who always felt like the odd one out. You’re not anymore.
